I’ve been fortunate enough to take school groups to New York City for their eighth grade trip, since 1998. I had a teacher say to me once, “Why would you want to take kids to New York? That just doesn’t sound like any fun.”
This particular trip was very special to me because both my wonderful wife, (far right in white pants and cap) and our son ( far left on front row) came along as chaperones.
Michael Morrows has been my tour guide for many years. He has his own tour company, (tomorrowstoursofnewyorkcity.com.). When it comes to New York City, Michael is all anyone needs, in order, to learn and explore the history, food, neighborhoods, etc. of this great city. You name it, he’s your guy! Oh! And I should add, he will entertain you every step of the way! Tour groups are his Broadway and he’s the best. He’s the tour guide version of a Broadway smash hit!
Walking around with his New York Times held high in the air, he leads us through Manhattan. He gathers the group around him in Greenwich Village. Michael says ,”This way everybody. Greenwich Village is the hip, free living, art community of our great city. People come here to explore, find themselves, create incredible art. There are a lot of great art studios and fancy shops to explore. You will see all kinds of attire and lifestyles. SoHo is a great part of our city. You will see guys with guys and girls with girls. Every kind of person and every kind of lifestyle is welcome and embraced in this wonderful city.”
Yep. Michael always knows just what to say and when to say it. This particular year, 2004, he has befriended Taylor or maybe Taylor befriended him. Who knows. Taylor may be all of 5‘2“ tall at the most, a little kid with a dynamic personality. He used to come by my room every morning his seventh and eighth grade year.
Taylor: Hey Coach! Stretch me!
Me: Hey little buddy. Turn around.
I would wrap my arms around his neck and give it a tug upwards.
Me: There ya go. You’re gonna be an inch taller by the end of the year.
Taylor: Yep. See ya later Coach.
Taylor was a good wrestler. Despite his size, he felt good about himself and was just a great, friendly kid that loved to goof around. I guess that’s why I got along with him so well.
Michael addresses the group. “ OK, now guys and girls. We are going to do some shopping in the posh, hip-hop, neighborhood of Soho. Upscale living. Loft apartments. Many of today’s TV and movie stars live here. Soho is short for south of Houston Street. All right. Now kiddos. We will spend about an hour shopping here. Check with your group leader. It’s 2:15. Let’s meet back here at 3:15. Then we will head back to the hotel and freshen up before we dine at Bubba Gump’s.”
I always liked to mess with kid’s brains. So to make sure they heard Michael I said, ” Did you all hear that? Don’t be late. Be here between 3:15 and a quarter after 3! Got it?” There’s a pause and a lot of eye brows raise, which means I made them think and they’re listening. Then somebody says, “Coach, that’s the same time.” I said, “Giddy up!”
My group consisted of several of my basketball and baseball players and, of course, Taylor, the wrestler.
Taylor: Hey Coach! Let’s go in that store. It’s funky looking.
So, Taylor and I go in while the rest of my guys head to another store near by.
Me: Ok, buddy. Let’s go.
Now, Taylor had this thing he could do with his eyes. Most folks can cross their eyes, but he could cross just one of them. Looked like he had been kicked in the side of the head by a mule. So when this little fella looked at you, his left eye was directly on you and his right one was crossed. He could also do a good ole Tennessee hillbilly drawl and could get his mouth to lazily draw to the right a bit.
I don’t remember the name of the store, but it’s got all kinds of sneakers with wild colors, beachwear, T-shirts, ladies lingerie. Just an eclectic kind of hip SoHo shop.
Me: Taylor.
Taylor: Yeah, Coach.
Me: I got an idea.
Taylor: OK, let’s hear it.
Me: Well. See that sales dude? Skinny, goofy guy.
Taylor: Yeah. What about him?
Me: Well, how about you do your eyes and mouth all goofy. Use your hillbilly drawl. Ask him to try on a pair of sneakers. Then when he brings them out, put them on the wrong feet.
Taylor: Oh yeah, man, I can do that.
So I walk away like I’m looking at shoes myself. I can’t see Taylor’s face, but I can sure see the sales guys face. Taylor goes for a pair of multi colored Converse sneakers. They were just coming back in style.
As Taylor holds up the shoes, the sales guy’s brow begins to furrow. He kind of looks around as if he were wishing someone would come over and rescue him. He likely has never encountered a cross eyed, Tennessee hillbilly.
Taylor: Hey buddy. Can I try on a pair of these here neat looking converse shoes? We ain’t got nothin like this back where I come from.
Sales guy: Oh yeah. Where’s that?
Taylor: Tennessee!
Sales guy: Oh, I’ve never been there. What size?
Taylor: I think size 8.
Sales guy: Sure my friend. I will go check for your size.
As he goes to the back, I walked over to Taylor.
Taylor: Coach! Did you see that guy’s face? I scared him to death.
Me: Yeah, I could tell. OK, let me get away before he comes back and sees us talking.
Taylor sits on the bench patiently. Appearing from the back, the guy actually has a box of shoes. I just figured he would tell Taylor he didn’t have his size so Taylor would leave.
Sales guy: OK, here you go! He takes them out of the box, laces them up and hands them to Taylor. I walked over a little closer to get a better view.
Taylor: Thanks Mister.
Taylor proceeds to put the shoes on the wrong feet and laces them up. At this point, the sales guy’s eyes are bulging. He looks like Igor in Young Frankenstein. If you’ve never seen Young Frankenstein, you’re missing a classic.
Taylor stands up.
Taylor: Hey man! I really like these, What do you think, Mister?
The poor guy is dumbfounded.
Sales guy: Uh.. Uh.. they look good on you.
I’m thinking, “Man, this dude is really holding it together.” The guy goes for the sale.
Sales guy: My friend, would you like for me to ring those up for you?
I don’t know how, but Taylor is still in character, with one eye crossed, mouth tilted to the right and his best hillbilly accent.
Taylor: Well, you see Mister, I really ain’t got no money. I just wanted to try on a pair of these here fancy shoes.
Without missing a beat, the sales guy immediately looks at me and then back at Taylor.
Sales guy: Well, my friend, perhaps you could borrow the money from the gentleman here that came in with you.
Taylor: Who you talking about Mister? That guy?
Taylor is pointing at me.
I just pretend to be looking that way.
Sales guy: Sir, your friend wants these shoes. Can you let him borrow the money to get these?
Me: Excuse me? Are you talking to me?
Sales guy: Yes sir.
Me: I’m sorry, but I don’t know that kid. I just happened to walk in at the same time he did.
The sales guy’s shoulders slumped immediately. I just walked off. In a jiffy, Taylor take the shoes off, hands them to the guy.
Taylor: Thanks Mister for letting me try on these here fancy shoes.
As soon as we get out the front door, we both lost it.
Me: Oh man! Taylor that was great! You stayed in character the whole time and never missed a beat.
Taylor: Yeah Coach! I never had this much fun before. If my folks knew I was acting like this, they would kill me.
Me: Little buddy, I’m glad you’re having a great time.
Little did I know I created a joking monster.
coachdeesays 